


Beyond control

by sundaeflower



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Control Issues, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Light Angst, Relationship & character study, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 09:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19903276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaeflower/pseuds/sundaeflower
Summary: Whether she knows it or not – she holds his leash.





	Beyond control

„Billy, please! I‘m Max. I‘m your–“

_Smack._

He backhanded her across the face – black spots in his vision making him dizzy –, swiping away any memory of her as his sister. She went down like a candlelight blown out by a harsh breeze in a cold winter night.

Leaving him in darkness. Freezing.

She was never his sister. At least that‘s what he told himself. Yet she insisted that they could be more than strangers, more than two broken kids from divorced marriages with way too many issues to count. She used to be the light to his darkness, but he tainted her with violent words and empty threats. Created her as a distorted image of himself.

She was brave, and kind, and selfless. _Smart_. Things he never was. Never would be ( _did I raise a pussy for a son?_ ).

He didn‘t tell her about the nighttime bruises, awash in green and blue, of his disrespect ( _she‘s not my sister!_ ) and of his lack of responsibility regarding her ( _did you let her sneak out of the house under your watch?_ ). Whether she knows it or not – she holds his leash.

Short line. Small rope. Easy to sever.

And he gets punished whenever the leash gets too long, too close to freedom in this cage full of red hair and freckles.

She didn‘t see him cry. And he didn‘t want her to see him like that. Then she would become a disgrace too. Showing emotions like that wasn‘t looked easy upon in the Hargrove household. Especially when your name‘s Billy and you smoke like there‘s no tomorrow.

He figured a kiss with a fist was better than none.

Max. He could never do that to Max. He may bark at her, snap, and break things she loves, but he never raised a hand at her. Not once. The woman with the blonde curls and the far-away smile makes sure of that.

He needed to fool everyone so that he can still look in the mirror every day to fool himself ( _be a goddamn man and face the world!_ ). There‘s so much pain that time can not erase. It still echoes in a distant corner of his mind. It‘s what keeps him fighting. He wants to make it right. Wants to be _good_ for once in his life. At one point he started to surrender to his father; he wasn‘t someone you wanted to mess with. He was a menace in Billys life. But this time he can fight back without risking a black eye.

He doesn‘t know what makes him do it, but he wouldn‘t let anybody die for him. He was always a pretty selfish guy.

In the end it was all about control.

And he certainly never had it.

_I‘m sorry._


End file.
